omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
