WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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