I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
