bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
