I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
