I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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