I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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