Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
