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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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