I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize