I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
