I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
