I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're like the curious george of whores
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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