4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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