Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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