I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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