Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
