People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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