I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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