tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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