Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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