Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
