I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
