They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
