last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
