EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
