and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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