this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
