Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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