when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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