i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
