He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
