my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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