I love black thongs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
