In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
