i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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