Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
