I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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