oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
