you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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