Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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