dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
