the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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