Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
