Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
