its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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