she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
