9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
