Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
