it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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