i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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