you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
