I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
