Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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