Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
