Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
