he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
