That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
