the condom got lost in my hair
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
