If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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