I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
