he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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