I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
