ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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