Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
