Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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