I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
