Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
