my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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