guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His nipple licking is glorious
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
