you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
