Walk of Shame. In a state park.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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