This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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