So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
