yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
