I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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